[There's so much he wants to say, so much he wants to do, he's so mad at himself, he put himself in this damn situation. And everyone suffered because of it, and he'll never really forgive himself for hurting the people he loves so much.
But he can't really hold that over himself right now. Even that level of loathing takes a lot of effort, it's draining to hate yourself even a little, and to have so much anger and guilt takes a lot out of a person. With sadness, stress, and pain all on top of it, it's hard to handle. But all of that painful emotion still really isn't a match for the force that is Marco right now.
Marco, who is strong and protective and who says he'd kill for him, he'll keep him safe and how can Ace do anything to disagree in the face of that sort of comfort and power? No one's going to hurt him, as long as he's careful and doesn't fuck up again he'll be fine.
Or something close enough to it. So instead of thinking any more on how he messed up, how weak he became, how he did this to the people he cares about? He just takes a deep breath, he just breathes. Taking in how Marco smells, how he feels, and how his own heart is racing.
Shit. He really is alive.] I wanna stay with you. I'm alive. I'm really alive, I'm alive. Thank you, thank you so much. [He's not sure exactly what he's thankful for right now. Honestly, it's probably a lot of things. And somehow, he manages to get even tighter of a grip on Marco, and he's just still for a moment. Trying to stop the last of the tears, letting himself simply be safe and alive.]
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But he can't really hold that over himself right now. Even that level of loathing takes a lot of effort, it's draining to hate yourself even a little, and to have so much anger and guilt takes a lot out of a person. With sadness, stress, and pain all on top of it, it's hard to handle. But all of that painful emotion still really isn't a match for the force that is Marco right now.
Marco, who is strong and protective and who says he'd kill for him, he'll keep him safe and how can Ace do anything to disagree in the face of that sort of comfort and power? No one's going to hurt him, as long as he's careful and doesn't fuck up again he'll be fine.
Or something close enough to it. So instead of thinking any more on how he messed up, how weak he became, how he did this to the people he cares about? He just takes a deep breath, he just breathes. Taking in how Marco smells, how he feels, and how his own heart is racing.
Shit. He really is alive.] I wanna stay with you. I'm alive. I'm really alive, I'm alive. Thank you, thank you so much. [He's not sure exactly what he's thankful for right now. Honestly, it's probably a lot of things. And somehow, he manages to get even tighter of a grip on Marco, and he's just still for a moment. Trying to stop the last of the tears, letting himself simply be safe and alive.]