[Sanji shrugs at that. It still doesn't seem fucked up to him, even if he's lived through it. Because it's Zeff, who loves him so much and sacrificed for and who would fight for him, and who Sanji has sacrificed for and would fight for and there's just so much powerful protectiveness between them. And yet, Sanji can't imagine looking Zeff in the face, telling him that he was in love with another man, and not getting beaten for it.
And while he absolutely does not consider Judge anything but a large piece of breathing shit, there's still fear that lingers from his time with him. And he still managed to impart ideas of masculinity and power and strength and bullshit that Sanji doesn't even want to deal with right now.
He needs to just blank-slate his feelings on things, work out more on his own, but who has the fucking time to sit and sort and think?
Yeah, he's going to work through that glass of wine faster than expected.] He did the best he could. It's not like he wants to hurt me. But if something is wrong to him, the only way he knows how to deal with it is through kicking it until it's fixed. And I'm not putting him through that. [Sanji gestures at his small counterpart, who's running around in the distance.
And then Zoro drops something that makes his stomach drop, a cold feeling through him, and what if he's right? What if it's all his raising coloring his experiences, leaving him fearful of what people will think to the point of twisting his reactions to other people...
What if all of this struggle has been his own fault, and he's made his own pain?
But he's also seen enough evidence to the contrary. People talk, and in the smaller towns it can still be something that absolutely ruins a person if the rumors go too far. And small town mentalities follow into the big world they live in now. So Sanji knows that he's not wrong, either.
But does any of that matter? Who's opinion is important enough to care about? And maybe, as long as the crew doesn't care, then that's good enough for Sanji...
Shit. It's a lot to think about.] Fuck. I don't know.
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And while he absolutely does not consider Judge anything but a large piece of breathing shit, there's still fear that lingers from his time with him. And he still managed to impart ideas of masculinity and power and strength and bullshit that Sanji doesn't even want to deal with right now.
He needs to just blank-slate his feelings on things, work out more on his own, but who has the fucking time to sit and sort and think?
Yeah, he's going to work through that glass of wine faster than expected.] He did the best he could. It's not like he wants to hurt me. But if something is wrong to him, the only way he knows how to deal with it is through kicking it until it's fixed. And I'm not putting him through that. [Sanji gestures at his small counterpart, who's running around in the distance.
And then Zoro drops something that makes his stomach drop, a cold feeling through him, and what if he's right? What if it's all his raising coloring his experiences, leaving him fearful of what people will think to the point of twisting his reactions to other people...
What if all of this struggle has been his own fault, and he's made his own pain?
But he's also seen enough evidence to the contrary. People talk, and in the smaller towns it can still be something that absolutely ruins a person if the rumors go too far. And small town mentalities follow into the big world they live in now. So Sanji knows that he's not wrong, either.
But does any of that matter? Who's opinion is important enough to care about? And maybe, as long as the crew doesn't care, then that's good enough for Sanji...
Shit. It's a lot to think about.] Fuck. I don't know.