[This is one of the last things he feels like talking about, but he's here and he asked and offered so Rosinante will give him the best answer possible. He, him, counterpart, self, duplicate... This is mentally exhausting to keep up with.
"I'm usually not allowed out on my own, my health issues require careful monitoring. As do my responses and choices when I'm like this. I feel the need to flee again already, I want to keep searching. But if I run? It starts over again, they have to track me or worse, send out one of the family members and I don't want children I helped raise to see me like this."
Is that the best way to say it, that he's absolutely batshit crazy without actually saying it? He knows things get bad sometimes, the staff thinks he's ignorant about the medication in his food, that they watch him with fear any time he picks up anything with any semblance of a bladed edge, that everyone he knows and cares about his afraid of his degrading mental state. But they're wrong. He's fully aware, and he knows what they're doing, but he knows that they love him. And when things work? He's himself, entirely. Without pause or shaking or sobbing, without that manic laughter, looking for the ghosts of his past down random halls.
This is what his Law set up though, a set of plans to keep him together, so he's never going to argue it. But to get back to it, he has to fight past his own madness and get home.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-02-25 07:05 pm (UTC)"I'm usually not allowed out on my own, my health issues require careful monitoring. As do my responses and choices when I'm like this. I feel the need to flee again already, I want to keep searching. But if I run? It starts over again, they have to track me or worse, send out one of the family members and I don't want children I helped raise to see me like this."
Is that the best way to say it, that he's absolutely batshit crazy without actually saying it? He knows things get bad sometimes, the staff thinks he's ignorant about the medication in his food, that they watch him with fear any time he picks up anything with any semblance of a bladed edge, that everyone he knows and cares about his afraid of his degrading mental state. But they're wrong. He's fully aware, and he knows what they're doing, but he knows that they love him. And when things work? He's himself, entirely. Without pause or shaking or sobbing, without that manic laughter, looking for the ghosts of his past down random halls.
This is what his Law set up though, a set of plans to keep him together, so he's never going to argue it. But to get back to it, he has to fight past his own madness and get home.]