video;

[deviledlegs]

[Well. With all the shit happening right now, there's really only one thing Sanji can say to give this smart snail a proper test.]

Catch me an animal I've never seen before, and your whole shitty crew gets free lunch.

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[deviledlegs]

[I mean, she could just ask. He would spill everything with a smile on his face.]

I would be elated, my dear! Whether someone else steps up or not, your powerful beauty and lovely assistant deserve no less than a royal banquet! Allow me to be the man who provides!

[desert_queen]

[She's starting to suspect this. But she's gotten enough information on him to know that he's valuable. And part of the stupid crew that took her counterparts down and ruined their plans.] How sweet. And oh, how did I not realize how famous you are. It'd be a pleasure to eat food made from such talented hands. [She leans in, fur around her like a cloud, and takes a long drag off of her cigarette. A heart shaped cloud of smoke soon follows.

Ugh, she needs more drink than this whole world offers for this. But he's useful, and maybe she can use Robin to sweeten the deal. She hasn't seen much on his captain being around, so if she can hook him in, she's got another powerful man in the Baroque Works ranks.] And how convenient, you're already acquainted with her too.

[deviledlegs]

You've heard of me then?

[Is it even possible for a man to perk up more than this? Sanji just made it possible. His eyes alight in hearts to match her smoke ring, and his real heart beats right out of his chest.]

And I've heard of her?!

Then I must get to know you too! Who is this lucky lovely who assists you?

[desert_queen]

You're the famous chef from the Straw Hat pirates, aren't you? Your reputation precedes you. A powerful, and talented man.

[That cannot be healthy. She's honestly disturbed, and that takes a lot to do.]

I'd love to get to know you better. And my assistant? Her name is Nico Robin.

[deviledlegs]

[Aaaaaand he immediately falls flat on his face.

BRB, scrambling to his knees and sloppily repositioning the smartsnail.]

Miss Robin... is your assistant?

[This is sounding awfully familiar!]

[desert_queen]

[That's one hell of a reaction. It's certainly not the first time she's caused a man to fall flat on his face, but it's way more dramatic when she's not even in the same area. He's hilarious, at least he is when he's not disgusting and disturbing. Or maybe he's all of those things all at once, she's not sure. But she's amused enough that she's not ending this yet.

She's acting so coy, she's so sweet looking and ladylike, leaning in for a good look at the SmartSnail screen because if he's figured this out, she wants to have an amazing view of the footage as he reacts. Come on, loverboy, don't give up the overreactions yet.]

She is. And you two are usually acquainted. How fortunate. [She takes another drag off of the cigarette, and smiles. Oh, this is actually worth it. This is fun. And she doesn't get a lot of fun these days.]

[deviledlegs]

[His hesitant smile is definitely twitching at the edge there.]

Then who do I have the pleasure of speaking to right now?

[desert_queen]

[This is absolutely amazing. He's so fun to tease.]

Oh? You seem nervous. [Good. She likes that.] You're speaking with Lady Crocodile, of Alabasta. But you figured that out already, didn't you?

[deviledlegs]

[Nervous? He's terrified.]

My Lady, you wouldn't happen to have a brother, would you? An overzealous uncle perhaps? A cousin twice removed?

[desert_queen]

[This is the best.] Why would you ask such a thing? [She runs a stiletto manicured nail over her prominent scar, red against long healed ridges, and looks at him like he's prey.] It's just me here. Why are you bringing strange men into the conversation?

[deviledlegs]

[He asks out of vain hope. It's the only thing keeping his brain working right now.]

Oh, I don't mean to offend! Just one look at your stunning beauty - even through this screen! - is enough to fill my mind to the brim! There's no room for a single ugly bastard in those lovey-dovey fantasies!

It's just that- [Ahem. Awkward cough into hand is go.] Sir Crocodile of Alabasta was not fond of me, you see.

[desert_queen]

[Poor baby, and lovey-dovey fantasies? Really? Oh, honey, she'd break you apart. She's absolutely cruel with her toys, and Sanji is her type to play with and toss away.]

It's unfortunate that he didn't like you, my counterparts are useless things with poor tastes. But I like you, so far. Robin does too. [She'd like to hurt him, to use him, to see what it was that gave the Straw Hat Crew such power over her male duplicates.] I think I'm far more appealing than those men are. Don't you agree?