[Sanji wheezes and shuts his mouth, because he doesn't want to get loud and he doesn't want to draw attention but his first instinct is to loudly deny and loudly deny and he's so upset that he's starting to look a little distressed. So he just takes a deep breath, gets his shit together mentally, and stands up.] I need a drink first. Give me a minute.
[Each step towards where the wine is being stored for the party feels like he's wading through knee deep mud, like his limbs are heavy just from how stressed out he is. And it makes a short walk that keeps him within eyeshot of Zoro seem like a marathon journey back and forth to the other side of the island. But he's got a bottle of something he particularly enjoys now and a glass to go with it, so he's ready to deal with this. He's too far into this conversation to back out now.
Once he's seated again, he pours himself a glass, and drinks the entire thing in one go. And then he pours another for sipping while they talk.] It's not about if there's a problem with being an okama or not. It's about how people treat okamas, and people like them. And what people will do if they think you're that weak or sick that way. Because they'll see it like that. It's not normal to them. [He's tilts his head, eyeing Zoro.] Zeff taught me about women. About what a man should be. And how women should be treated. There was an honor of manhood and a man's responsibility, and there was a standard. Men love women, and should treat them a certain way, and that's just how it is. There wasn't room for anything else. And... [He sets his glass down, and fumbles for another cigarette. He's going to go through a whole pack tonight easily.] He kicked the fuck out of me for messing up, for not understanding right off. And it kept up that way, you know? It's a father's responsibility to beat the lessons in until they stick, and he's got to take his own life if they don't. [He's got his cigarette and his wine now, and he's not even sure where he's going with this.] I wasn't like this around women at first. But it makes them know they're pretty and perfect, and it makes me look like I'm not wrong. [And he's so scared of being wrong.] So if that's how loved ones deal with that sort of thing, how much worse is a careless stranger going to be?
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timeasmymeasure
CW: mentions of homophobia, child abuse, and Sanji being Sanji
Date: 2019-05-15 03:54 am (UTC)[Each step towards where the wine is being stored for the party feels like he's wading through knee deep mud, like his limbs are heavy just from how stressed out he is. And it makes a short walk that keeps him within eyeshot of Zoro seem like a marathon journey back and forth to the other side of the island. But he's got a bottle of something he particularly enjoys now and a glass to go with it, so he's ready to deal with this. He's too far into this conversation to back out now.
Once he's seated again, he pours himself a glass, and drinks the entire thing in one go. And then he pours another for sipping while they talk.] It's not about if there's a problem with being an okama or not. It's about how people treat okamas, and people like them. And what people will do if they think you're that weak or sick that way. Because they'll see it like that. It's not normal to them. [He's tilts his head, eyeing Zoro.] Zeff taught me about women. About what a man should be. And how women should be treated. There was an honor of manhood and a man's responsibility, and there was a standard. Men love women, and should treat them a certain way, and that's just how it is. There wasn't room for anything else. And... [He sets his glass down, and fumbles for another cigarette. He's going to go through a whole pack tonight easily.] He kicked the fuck out of me for messing up, for not understanding right off. And it kept up that way, you know? It's a father's responsibility to beat the lessons in until they stick, and he's got to take his own life if they don't. [He's got his cigarette and his wine now, and he's not even sure where he's going with this.] I wasn't like this around women at first. But it makes them know they're pretty and perfect, and it makes me look like I'm not wrong. [And he's so scared of being wrong.] So if that's how loved ones deal with that sort of thing, how much worse is a careless stranger going to be?