[Action] Change in Fortune

[lileggplant]

[The little figure is hanging around at the very edge of the town's market square, trying his hardest to be absolutely invisible -- and probably not faring all that well, as a small child in a heavy iron mask isn't exactly subtle. He's also crying softly, audible only at close range -- not full-on sobs, but little shivering, hitching breaths and his one visible eye welling up with tears. This isn't where he was when he fell asleep, and he doesn't know where he is, and after so long spent in dim solitude, the noise and bright sunshine in the market are overwhelming.

He needs to figure out something about where he is -- what has happened to him, where his home has gone, what he's going to do with himself now -- even though the thought of approaching a stranger is frightening.

He looks around, searching for someone who looks unthreatening, or kind, or maybe like they're good at picking locks.

(After all, if he isn't at home, there is no guard with a key who can unlock the lower half of his mask so he can eat. That's important.)]

"U-Um. Excuse me?"

[When he makes his approach, his voice is thin and tremulous.]

"If... if it isn't too much trouble... could you please tell me where this is?"

Comments

[gourmet_gams]

[Sanji had taken the boy back with him to the Sunny, a home that he felt would make it easy for him to both heal and learn. But while he'd started him on the important points of cooking, and had involved him in almost every part of his life there from moment one, he hadn't so much as breathed a word about who he was. And he'd gone out of his way to ask his crewmates to avoid saying his name, until he figured out how to breach the conversation.

But it happening was inevitable. The tiny version of himself would figure this out eventually.]

[lileggplant]

[The change in his life is dizzying, and when Sanji stops to think about it too hard, he wonders if he's actually died and been reborn, or maybe he's actually asleep and having the longest and most vivid dream of his entire life.

(If it is a dream, he hopes he dies in his sleep instead of having to wake up back in the cell.)

On this ship, he breathes the free air, surrounded by people who are -- odd, and some of them were a little scary at first, but they're all so kind. He isn't getting beaten up or told he's a failure here, and not only is he not being mocked for wanting to make food, the man everyone calls Cook is teaching him!

From the start, he's recognized that Cook is a Vinsmoke, and one day, he overhears Nami idly ask Usopp, Do you ever wonder if there are other versions of us wandering around out there? Now that that's possible, and a great deal becomes suddenly very clear to him. He chews over it only until it's time to start dinner, and when he's in the galley with Cook, peeling carrots under his sternly watchful eye so that not even the smallest bit of usable food is wasted, he steels himself to ask.]

... No one calls you by name, on here. But they almost slip up, sometimes... they don't all usually call you just Cook, right?

[Not quite confident enough to say it out of the blue, you're me, aren't you? But it's there. Maybe Cook will admit it so that he doesn't have to.]

[gourmet_gams]

[Sanji is almost shocked into silence at the child's words, and dammit, he was hoping to find a graceful or at least easier way to breach the issue and sit him down to talk about it. But he supposes that now is as good as ever, and he's not going to hand the boy off to anyone, so he can't keep putting the talk off.

He hums a little as he works on breaking down one of many chicken carcasses that will both serve as the main protein of tonight's dinner and flavor the broth for tomorrow's meals. How to go from here, what to say, how to proceed?

His words are simpler than he expected.] Why do you think that is?

[lileggplant]

[He isn't giving anything away, not the slightest hint or encouragement, and if Sanji weren't so convinced that he has to ask, has to somehow break this thread of tension that he feels when one of the crew stumbles over speaking to Cook -- if he didn't have to, he'd maybe shy away from pushing. But it's there, and so he'll push his luck.]

You don't want me to hear your name? [After the words leave his mouth, he winces; it sounds like an accusation, and he doesn't want to accuse! After all, this man has done so much for him -- more than he can properly even express, and the Sunny has so quickly come to feel like a home for him, his welcome among the crew such a profound relief. But he has to know.]

[gourmet_gams]

[Sanji snorts at the child's response, and cracks the spine and ribs of the bird he's working on with his bare hands. The noise is fantastic, this is disgusting and visceral work, and he's always going to appreciate the less pretty parts of the culinary process. It's also a good distraction from the urge to skip the talk entirely, if he's focused deeply on both work and conversation there's no out.] Do you know why, though?

[He was so scared of facing himself, so scared of how it felt to see his past in front of him, so scared of the child knowing how he grew up, what he ended up being. Sanji has no small amount of shame about a number of things, and it was easier to not equate them to being the same people. This is a child that has a chance of success on a higher level, he can be happier, more stable, better than Sanji is...

But it's not like hiding his name would protect either of them.] I was weak. I couldn't face seeing you that way, so it was easier if I tried disconnecting from who we are.

[lileggplant]

[Who we are. Just when Sanji thought Cook was going to make him put it out there, ask a question that sounded completely silly and childish -- like something out of a fairy tale, are you my older self? -- he as much as says it. We.

He nods, solemn, wanting to seem very grown-up in acknowledging the tacit admission, but he can't hold back -- how can Cook call himself weak? He's been teaching Sanji what he knows, showing off the strength that Sanji has never imagined he'll ever be capable of.]

You got out. [That's what comes to mind first.] Before... before all these things started happening. You got free.

[gourmet_gams]

[Sanji does feel weak. He feels like he's put so much of his past aside, he's buried so much pain, but the moment he saw that child his heart broke and his stomach turned and nothing felt like it was okay anymore. There was a walking piece of his traumatic past right in front of him that needed his assistance, and if he didn't shift from who they were mentally, he wouldn't have been able to help him.

And not being able to face his past and his pain makes Sanji feel very weak indeed.] Do you think it was that easy?

[He pauses his work on another carcass to look over at the peelings. Not bad work, at all. A little too thick in some spots, Zeff would have raised hell about it. But he's not Zeff, and as much as he loves his father and admires him he's not going to raise this child to be a bundle of complexes.] Try for a little thinner. As much as you can. If you fail, it's compost. [God, it hurts to force himself to be calm about food sometimes.] If you cut too thick altogether, it goes in the stock.

[lileggplant]

I didn't think it could happen at all! [Easy? No -- no, far from it. It's only by a sheer miracle that he's out, and yet, here's his older self who got free without it, who was already free. He's in awe. And he wants to ask how, wants to ask so many things, but Cook -- Sanji -- this other Sanji (and how is he going to differentiate now?) pushes his attention back to the carrots, and he squints down in concentration, trying to get the cut as fine as possible.

He's quiet for a moment, stripping another layer so thin it's barely orange with a slow, painstaking motion of the knife. His older self made this look so easy and natural, but it isn't. He starts another cut, but the knife catches, slips, and nicks into his holding hand -- it's so sharp that it takes a moment for the cut to hurt, not until the blood starts to well up, and he drops the carrot with a small startled sound, a moment later pressing the wound into his mouth.]

[gourmet_gams]

It would have for you, eventually. [Sanji's stomach still does angry flips when he remembers that day, when he was freed and ran. His memories come up quickly, and burn inside of him, twisting and pulling. And he's not once actually stopped to deal with these feelings. So they keep getting worse as they're buried, and they won't let him be.

But something does come up through this, that gives Sanji a strong measure of comfort and relief. This child will not ever know that horrific hunger, that miserable pain inside of him. The pain of living in the Vinsmoke household can't be erased, but there has to be a healthy, normal way for him to work through it. And Sanji can raise him to have a healthier outlook on every aspect of his life, if he just manages to not fuck this up.

The startled noise catches his attention, and he ushers to boy to the sink. Time to wash the wound, bandage it, and for the love of all blue no matter how hard it is, not pull any stupid macho standards on him. He's just going to treat it like it is, he's a child with a cut, and cuts hurt. And he wants to be a good caretaker so this kid has the best life possible.] You'll get better at it. Skills take time to build up. It's an art that needs to be honed.

[lileggplant]

[He's silent as his older self tends to the small wound on his hand -- trying to figure out if he feels differently about this kind of attention, now that he knows. A little cut like this is the kind of thing that meant weakness in Germa, meant that his skin was too soft and his hands not quick enough, and even Reiju's occasional care had dealt with larger injuries, more severe than a little cut. But on the Sunny, even little cuts deserve attention, especially in the kitchen, where blood mustn't contaminate the food. This isn't the first time that Cook -- older-Sanji -- has helped him clean and bandage little tiny injuries like this one.

Does it make it different to know that this isn't just any adult gently holding his hand under cool water until the bleeding stops? To have it be himself -- also raised with the harsh mentality that to bleed is a personal failing -- who shows him this treatment...

He can't figure it out. He has suspected since he heard Nami and Usopp talking, but that hasn't been very long, and he's struggling to wrap his mind around this reality properly.]

I wanna do it right. [That's the first rule of this kitchen, the thing he holds topmost in his mind -- don't waste any food, not even the smallest scrap -- not out of his own conviction, but because of older-Sanji's, and compared to the hopelessness of trying to measure up to his father's expectations, this should be very easy. And even so, he's being reassured, not berated, when he struggles. It's hard to understand fully.]

[gourmet_gams]

[Hands washed, cool water, murming quietly. For Sanji, it's just another quiet and methodical part of kitchen work. Accidents happen. And a chef that can't care for a simple wound like this doesn't deserve to be in the kitchen anyway.

It doesn't matter if it's a small wound or a large one. It needs to be treated. Not just for the sake of keeping the food safe and clean, but for keeping the heart of the child as uncontaminated as possible. He's seen enough pain in his short life already. Too much for multiple people and multiple lifetimes, in Sanji's opinion. And although Sanji doesn't plan on coddling him, he's treating the child like he'd treat his own child. And he's trying to remove some of the poison and pain through treatment that's actually appropriate for a boy his age.

If he can do this, the child can heal and end up stronger and better than he himself is. He'll be a man that no one is ashamed of, a man that's not afraid of his feelings, or ashamed of his interests, and doesn't have to compensate loudly.

He wants to treat him like he deserves to be treated.] You will. But do you think anyone can do something right from the start? It's going to take practice. And you'll get plenty of that here. [There's something still odd to Sanji about caring for a child version of himself, especially if he tries to wrap his mind around the idea that this might be himself from the past, or maybe another world, and it's all a mess to deal with.] There. It's not bad. [And onto bandaging it up, it's not worth bothering Chopper over it. Or Law for that matter. He's good enough at this sort of first aid anyway.] Come on, back to it. I need to get these done.

[lileggplant]

[Do you think anyone can do something right from the start? It's meant to be reassuring -- but it feels a little like a defeat, too. After all, of the five children of Vinsmoke, only he had needed time to learn, had needed time he wasn't given to hone his strength and endurance.

But while it doesn't reassure him as to his own talent or lack thereof, it does create a thread of recognition -- he can see himself in this older Sanji, not just visually but in spirit as well. He hears it not as anyone,, after a moment's thought, but as we. Being Sanji (Vinsmoke Sanji no longer, but Sanji all the same) means not getting it right the first time, or the second time, or the tenth time. He knows that all too well.]

I'll do better. [That's something in the nature of a promise to his older self, and his jaw firms in determination. Something he has learned since coming aboard the Sunny is that he's capable of learning, given enough time and freedom from fear -- not learning as fast as he feels he should, not nearly as fast as has always been expected of him, but learning all the same.]

[gourmet_gams]

You will. [Sanji's tone is relatively flat when he speaks. He's not saying it to be particularly encouraging or kind in this moment, he's saying it because the child is a wealth of potential and talent. And he has the capacity to be even better than Sanji, a greater chef and a better man. When Sanji says that the boy will do better, he means it as a fact.

Sanji is about to get back to the chicken, he trusts the boy to get a clean knife for himself, but then something actually comes to mind. And he picks up the carrot that was being peeled, it can go into the stock after this just fine, it's not going to end up wasted. And he leans against the counter after rinsing it, picks up a knife, and starts cutting. Tiny pieces cut out with precision, dropped into the pile that will be stock flavoring later.] How long did that take? What, less than a minute? And this is my first attempt. Think of what you'll be able to do with more time and practice.

[lileggplant]

[This, he watches with a sense of pure fascination. These tiny, deft, precise cuts -- it looks easy, looks effortless, until the chunk of carrot blossoms into a delicate carving. And here he was, struggling just to peel it!

But that's the point. This is his older self. To cut the carrot so beautifully, so easily -- it's within his capabilities, or will be eventually. It isn't an impossible standard -- it's entirely possible, with the proof of it right before him.]

Wowww! Just like that... That's so cool!

[Cook was his hero before he knew -- now, it's a little weird, but in the end, still his hero. Just a hero he knows he can live up to.]

[gourmet_gams]

Just like that. And we'll figure out more too. Food is so important, and it's always changing. There's never going to be an end to what you and I will learn.

[Food is the one thing that binds all humans, in the end. Even if they deny love, friendship, money, and more? Everyone eats. And making food beautiful and tempting is as important as making it nutritious. And every skill that Sanji picks up as he goes makes his friends happy. Which has a value that's beyond measure.

Sanji makes a few more carrot roses, they'll be gently steamed and seasoned and served as an edible garnish. It's a bit soothing somehow to actually make the cuts and watch it form. And then he goes back to the rest of his tasks, it's like clockwork with something so simple.] What do you want to learn how to do most?