video;

[deviledlegs]

[Well. With all the shit happening right now, there's really only one thing Sanji can say to give this smart snail a proper test.]

Catch me an animal I've never seen before, and your whole shitty crew gets free lunch.

Comments

[Video]

[desert_queen]

I'm always up for a challenge. [Not that she'll be going out of her way to personally search out something for him, but really, that's quite an offer. And with how far reaching her contacts are, she might just manage it.]

[deviledlegs]

[There are beautiful, red lips on his screen! They thoroughly distract him from making any connection to Crocodile.

That was a long time ago, okay.]

The only challenge here is the delightfully mischievous glint in your eyes, my dear! Truly, my purpose in this muddled universe is to soften your edges and bathe in your smile!

[desert_queen]

[Oh, he's disgusting. So over the top, so shameless, what a stupid would-be Casanova. She really can't risk not being polite though, and really, with the thugs that she keeps company with he's almost a pleasant change. Too cheesy, but not that bad considering the other blondes she spends times with.

...Shit. She's been way too long without a good man if she's even vaguely impressed with him. ] You flatter me. [Keep it together girl, don't snap at the random man. You've got a reputation to uphold.]

[deviledlegs]

Only because you deserve to be flattered!

[smile smile smile]

[desert_queen]

[Is he for real? She's honestly having trouble reading this. It seems fake, so stupid and over the top, this isn't something that a real person would actually do.

Or is it? She's curious. If it's real, what happens if she pushes back a little? She's got to know, and she's got enough alcohol in her right now to actually go for it. She bites back her disgust, and keeps that feeling inside, and she smiles coquettishly when she films the response. Camera arranged so he can see just a little cleavage, head tilted as if she's eating up all the attention.] You're too kind. It's not every day that a lady gets this kind of attention.

[deviledlegs]

It is on my watch!

[Lookit those hearts, that obnoxiously wide smile, those gesticulating arms already beginning to liquify at the joints. This man is completely genuine. Fear him.]

A lady as defined and elegant as you is no doubt a shining example of the lively femininity all men can't help but crave! To see you in motion is a gift, to listen to your sultry voice a divine comfort! Just knowing you were moved by my words is enough to fuel me to the moon and back!

[desert_queen]

How charming.

[How disgusting. This is unreal, how the hell can he even move like that? Is there a perversion fruit? Something like that she might have missed, but seriously. This is too much. But it's also good practice, she's got wedding planning to do and it can't hurt to actually force herself to behave with someone even more annoying than the planner and staff.] You're too much. [Really too much.] A girl my age doesn't get this kind of attention usually, so this is especially pleasant.

[She wonders briefly if he's anything worth remembering though, he seems like someone that's been noted in one of the many reports that have come across her desk.] You know, you could provide lunch for my assistant and I if no one raises to the challenge. She's a lovely girl, and we could use the company. You'll be compensated, of course. [Why is this search taking so long? She's sure at this point that he's been mentioned, more than once, but he's so low rung in her world that he's not really on her radar at all at this point. But things can change, and she's not likely to actually let a chance at a good pawn or employee go to waste.

She'll keep the act up, until she knows who he is.]

[deviledlegs]

[I mean, she could just ask. He would spill everything with a smile on his face.]

I would be elated, my dear! Whether someone else steps up or not, your powerful beauty and lovely assistant deserve no less than a royal banquet! Allow me to be the man who provides!

[desert_queen]

[She's starting to suspect this. But she's gotten enough information on him to know that he's valuable. And part of the stupid crew that took her counterparts down and ruined their plans.] How sweet. And oh, how did I not realize how famous you are. It'd be a pleasure to eat food made from such talented hands. [She leans in, fur around her like a cloud, and takes a long drag off of her cigarette. A heart shaped cloud of smoke soon follows.

Ugh, she needs more drink than this whole world offers for this. But he's useful, and maybe she can use Robin to sweeten the deal. She hasn't seen much on his captain being around, so if she can hook him in, she's got another powerful man in the Baroque Works ranks.] And how convenient, you're already acquainted with her too.

[deviledlegs]

You've heard of me then?

[Is it even possible for a man to perk up more than this? Sanji just made it possible. His eyes alight in hearts to match her smoke ring, and his real heart beats right out of his chest.]

And I've heard of her?!

Then I must get to know you too! Who is this lucky lovely who assists you?

[desert_queen]

You're the famous chef from the Straw Hat pirates, aren't you? Your reputation precedes you. A powerful, and talented man.

[That cannot be healthy. She's honestly disturbed, and that takes a lot to do.]

I'd love to get to know you better. And my assistant? Her name is Nico Robin.

[deviledlegs]

[Aaaaaand he immediately falls flat on his face.

BRB, scrambling to his knees and sloppily repositioning the smartsnail.]

Miss Robin... is your assistant?

[This is sounding awfully familiar!]

[desert_queen]

[That's one hell of a reaction. It's certainly not the first time she's caused a man to fall flat on his face, but it's way more dramatic when she's not even in the same area. He's hilarious, at least he is when he's not disgusting and disturbing. Or maybe he's all of those things all at once, she's not sure. But she's amused enough that she's not ending this yet.

She's acting so coy, she's so sweet looking and ladylike, leaning in for a good look at the SmartSnail screen because if he's figured this out, she wants to have an amazing view of the footage as he reacts. Come on, loverboy, don't give up the overreactions yet.]

She is. And you two are usually acquainted. How fortunate. [She takes another drag off of the cigarette, and smiles. Oh, this is actually worth it. This is fun. And she doesn't get a lot of fun these days.]

[deviledlegs]

[His hesitant smile is definitely twitching at the edge there.]

Then who do I have the pleasure of speaking to right now?

[desert_queen]

[This is absolutely amazing. He's so fun to tease.]

Oh? You seem nervous. [Good. She likes that.] You're speaking with Lady Crocodile, of Alabasta. But you figured that out already, didn't you?

[deviledlegs]

[Nervous? He's terrified.]

My Lady, you wouldn't happen to have a brother, would you? An overzealous uncle perhaps? A cousin twice removed?

[desert_queen]

[This is the best.] Why would you ask such a thing? [She runs a stiletto manicured nail over her prominent scar, red against long healed ridges, and looks at him like he's prey.] It's just me here. Why are you bringing strange men into the conversation?

[deviledlegs]

[He asks out of vain hope. It's the only thing keeping his brain working right now.]

Oh, I don't mean to offend! Just one look at your stunning beauty - even through this screen! - is enough to fill my mind to the brim! There's no room for a single ugly bastard in those lovey-dovey fantasies!

It's just that- [Ahem. Awkward cough into hand is go.] Sir Crocodile of Alabasta was not fond of me, you see.

[desert_queen]

[Poor baby, and lovey-dovey fantasies? Really? Oh, honey, she'd break you apart. She's absolutely cruel with her toys, and Sanji is her type to play with and toss away.]

It's unfortunate that he didn't like you, my counterparts are useless things with poor tastes. But I like you, so far. Robin does too. [She'd like to hurt him, to use him, to see what it was that gave the Straw Hat Crew such power over her male duplicates.] I think I'm far more appealing than those men are. Don't you agree?